One of my blog followers shared in the comments a certain motto that he tries to live by. That got me thinking about mottos . . .
When my daughter was a young'un, she came to me and said: "Miss Deer says I have to ask what is our family motto?" Motto? Family motto? This felt like a serious question from one so young and vulnerable and trusting. It was a moment to take stock. The answer was not on the tip of my tongue. I had never thought about having a motto before she posed that question. I told my eight-year-old, I would think about it and let her know before her next Sunday School class. For a week I pondered it deeply, while at the sink, or in the garden, or driving from one kids' activity to another. Do I have a motto that I try to live by? I asked myself.
I knew what I believed in, what I trusted, what I counted on. Most of this was all wrapped up in what some people call faith. I had spent a long time sorting through my faith in my adult life. At some point I came to terms with the beliefs that made sense to me and let go of what I could no longer accept and what I did not need. This seemed to serve me well. I tried to impart some of it at home. But, this was not at all what my daughter was interested in when she asked: "What is our family motto?" This question gave me pause.
Our little family was not in that place in society where one might have a family crest, or family monogram, or even a family plaque at the front door that said "welcome to the home of ..."
We were living the way most middle class families in our neighborhood lived. We attended church regularly; I sang in the choir while my daughter attended religious education separate from the adult congretation. Her school days were like most, lots of classroom time interspersed with gym, and a growing number of field trips with each new year. I had been asked when she was a kindergartener to go on field trips to help my daughter to "stay with the group." By the time she was heading for junior high, she balked: "Can't you give somebody else a turn?" "Gladly," I thought. Yet, she had had to ask . . .
I wondered if a family motto, or any motto would help me to see when I was not needed? I wondered if a motto would help me to be a better parent? I wondered if my daughter needed a motto to live by? I wondered how a family motto mattered? How would having a family motto make a difference?
What is a motto? According to the online Oxford Dictionary, a motto is a short sentence or phrase chosen as encapsulating the beliefs or ideals guiding an individual, family, or institution. This definition specifies family! Apparently some families do have a motto. The definition also says it may be an ideal that guides such a family. An ideal, seemed more realistic to me, so to speak. An ideal is something to live up to. I have sometimes been called out for being an idealist. Mostly, by my now grown daughter! Thinking about an ideal as a motto for my little family to live up to, rather than by, helped me to think about that burning question that I knew I had to answer sincerely. Two and half decades later it's hard to recall how the "right" answer came to me when I finally spoke the words for the first time as OUR motto worthy of my daughter's question. After much soul searching, it had come out of the blue, as all the best ideas seem to. I recall distinctly saying to her in the car that Sunday morning that our family motto was to be: Rise above it. She accepted it without question, relieved to have her answer ready when the teacher asked. That was just the beginning . . . Rise above it, was not as simple as it sounded. Living a motto is not that easy, it turns out.
Back then, life was going on at a somewhat frenzied pace: work, school, church, sports, pets,friends, boyfriends, etc. Within these various worlds were numerous unexpected events: friends fighting; boyfriends leaving; pets dying; parents' divorcing. Each phase felt overwhelming in the moment causing us to dig deep to figure out how to proceed. Inevitably, the words would be spoken: Rise above it. Each time when it seemed to help, I realized just how important having a motto had become for my daughter, and for me. By senior year of high school, it had become a mantra as much as a motto. I had those words Rise Above It inscribed inside her high school ring.
That question my daughter posed turned out to be the right one at the right time. After she was grown and gone to college, I found myself in the role of Sunday School teacher. I made it a point to have the children ask their parents: "What is our family motto?" One of the mothers came to me to ask: What is your family motto?" This time I knew the answer.
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